Coping with Burnout as a Caregiver

By a Real Mom Who’s In It Every Day

Being a caregiver is not an easy task. It’s not just the daily routine—it’s the mental load that never seems to stop. Caregiver burnout is real, and it's something many of us struggle with, especially when you're caring for a loved one with a disability. I’m blessed in many ways because, for the most part, Tommy is easy to care for. He’s got a sweet soul. But let's be real: even with an “easy” kid, modern moms’ responsibilities would make anyone’s head spin.

We are expected to juggle it all:
Appointments, school, therapy, meals, laundry, advocacy, work, bills, and then somehow… look good doing it? Society has this unspoken rule that we’re supposed to keep it all together and look fresh-faced and flawless while doing it.

Honestly? I don’t care. I’m just keeping it real. There have been times I’ve forgotten to eat. Forgotten to shower. Hahaha! I laugh because—seriously, why pile on more stress worrying about those things? I’m doing my best. And sometimes, my best looks like dry shampoo and toast for dinner. Maybe for some of you, it’s coffee just to survive until 9 p.m. and get it all done—by the way, I quit coffee. But that’s a whole other conversation for another day.

The only rest I seem to get is when I crash into bed at night. It's not just the extra care I give to support Tommy’s health—it’s the fact that I'm still doing all the regular “mom stuff” too. I take this role seriously. I hold myself to a high standard because I know my kids learn more from what I do than what I say.

This isn’t about outdated ideas of what men should or shouldn’t do—my husband and Francis step up in amazing ways. My husband helps with Tommy, and he can make Tommy do things that I cannot. He helps around the house, and so does our younger son, Francis. They both step up in ways I’m deeply grateful for. But the truth is, the weight of the modern family is beyond what today’s moms can take. The load is heavier than it was for our moms and grandmas, and it’s even worse when caring for a loved one with a severe disability. It’s not just cooking and cleaning anymore. It’s coordinating therapies, managing paperwork, juggling school expectations, fighting insurance claims, traveling sports or multiple sports for some, keeping up with everything digital, and still trying to show up emotionally for everyone. That’s a lot. And most of it? Invisible labor.

One of the toughest parts of invisible labor is that it’s often unnoticed by others. People see the end result—a child who’s doing okay, a clean home, a functioning family—but they don’t see the hours of work that went into making it all happen. They don’t see the sleepless nights spent filling out forms, fighting insurance companies, or trying to learn something new to help your child thrive.

Caregiver burnout is a constant challenge for many of us. It can be hard to balance everything while still taking care of yourself. But I've learned that reinventing myself constantly to find ways to rest, breathe, and even laugh a little—despite the chaos—has been key to coping.

How to Cope with Caregiver Burnout

Here’s how I’ve learned to cope with the overwhelming demands:

• I use the word no.
  I don’t say yes to everything. “No” is a complete sentence. No, I can’t add one more thing to this week. No, I’m not going to pretend I’m okay when I’m not. Saying no protects my peace, and peace is gold in this house.

• I reschedule appointments—without guilt.
  If it doesn’t feel doable, I move it. Life doesn’t collapse if we see the dentist next week instead of tomorrow. We’re still showing up—we’re just pacing ourselves.

• I take breaks from Tommy’s therapists if I need to.
  Caregiver burnout doesn’t care about anyone’s schedule. If we need a week off from therapy to just breathe and enjoy each other, we take it. That’s healing, too.

• I find micro-moments to rest.
  Sometimes it’s 10 minutes with a hot cup of tea. Sometimes, it’s a silly reel on my phone that makes me laugh. Sometimes it’s shutting the bathroom door and pretending I can’t hear anyone, hahaha, and it works! It all counts. A little joy goes a long way.

• I remind myself that good enough is enough.
  The perfection trap is toxic. My house is not spotless, dinner is not always home-cooked, and I haven’t worn mascara in weeks. But my kids are loved, fed, and safe—and that’s a win.

• I have found something that makes me feel alive—not necessarily something you’re good at. For me, it’s dance lessons. I’ve tried hip-hop and country line dancing. And let me tell you—I’m a terrible dancer. Like, everyone’s turning right, and I’m over here spinning left! But I’m giving it my all, and the best part? It’s time carved out just for me. A rare moment that’s mine—and only mine. No caregiving, no to-do list, just me doing something that makes me feel alive (and laugh a lot, too).

Final Thoughts

Burnout as a caregiver doesn’t always look like crying in the bathroom (though it can). Sometimes it’s just forgetting your own needs day after day. It sneaks up on you when you’re so busy holding everyone else together.

If you’re feeling it too, just know—you’re not alone. There’s no prize for doing it all perfectly. Give yourself grace. Take that break. Say no. Order takeout. Wear the same hoodie three days in a row. You’re still doing an incredible job.

Caregiving is heart work. And your heart deserves care too.